Power Wankings: Week 1 (#5 - 1)

There are plenty of things in professional sports that are seriously childish, stupid and dumb (and we're not even going to touch on Kobe, A-Rod, and Jamarcus Russell—way too easy). Since they tend to vary from week to week, we'll count down those wankers in our very own Power Wankings.

An example of what you won't find in the Wankings? Nickelback.

Whoa, whoa. Before you jump on me and blame me for betraying alternative music and supporting the audio equivalent of , they're not in the Wankings because no one wants them anywhere. Not even Detroit. According to this petition found on change.org, some Lions fans are trying to do exactly what each and every sports fan wants:

This game is nationally televised, do we really want the rest of the US to associate Detroit with Nickelback? Detroit is home to so many great musicians and they chose Nickelback?!?!?! Does anyone even like Nickelback? Is this some sort of ploy to get people to leave their seats during halftime to spend money on alcoholic beverages and concessions? This is completely unfair to those of us who purchased tickets to the game. At least the people watching at home can mute their TVs. The Lions ought to think about their fans before choosing such an awful band to play at halftime.

So far, the petition has 3,046 signatures. C'mon, NFL fans. Do you want a crummy Vancouver band plugging their latest crummy CD in front of a fanbase that has finally dragged itself out of crumminess? Sign the petition, and let's make sure that the NFL finds non-douches for halftime shows.

Heck, I'd pay Ndamukong Suh's fine if he were to accidentally mistake Chad Kroeger for John Kuhn.

The following ten things, however, were the most wank of the week. Continuing at #5:

Power Wankings: Week 1 (#10 - 6)

There are plenty of things in professional sports that are seriously childish, stupid and dumb (and we're not even going to touch on Kobe, A-Rod, and Jamarcus Russell—way too easy). Since they tend to vary from week to week, we'll count down those wankers in our very own Power Wankings.

An example of what you won't find in the Wankings? The guy who made THIS sign.

While I would have given this spot to the USC fan that managed to blitzkrieg the College Gameday show with a frat-boy "Suck It, Luck" sign (complete with cartoonish genitalia that resembles the Gatchaman/G-Force logo), the spot has to go to the guy who made ESPN a four-letter word.

Of course, sports and penises go hand-in-hand (not literally). People have spotted it in sports discussions, and John Madden famously drew them on the Telestrater more than once. However, you have to like the seriously creative chops on this guy—who knew you could spell ESPN with "penis"? We just don't understand his fixation with Lou Holtz.

Maybe he's not a University of Southern California fan, but indeed a University of South Carolina fan. Dr. Lou did coach for the USC of the East Coast for his last gig.

GO COCKS!

The following ten things, however, were the most wank of the week. Starting at the least: