tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85699588245084500862024-03-18T19:42:55.146-07:00Baked in Boston, 1975In Belichick we trust. Pedro is your daddy. It's Timmy Time. Johnny Havlicek stole the ball. Felger sucks. I know I am, I'm sure I am, New England 'til I die.Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8569958824508450086.post-25756028437383304802011-11-03T15:38:00.000-07:002011-11-03T15:38:04.733-07:00Power Wankings: Week 1 (#5 - 1)There are plenty of things in professional sports that are seriously
childish, stupid and dumb (and we're not even going to touch on Kobe,
A-Rod, and Jamarcus Russell—way too easy). Since they tend to vary from
week to week, we'll count down those wankers in our very own Power
Wankings.<br />
<br />
An example of what you won't find in the Wankings? Nickelback.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50493_41689667663_2268443_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50493_41689667663_2268443_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Whoa, whoa. Before you jump on me and blame me for betraying alternative music and supporting the audio equivalent of , they're not in the Wankings because no one wants them anywhere. Not even Detroit. According to this petition found on <a href="http://www.change.org/petitions/the-detroit-lions-replace-nickelback-as-the-halftime-show-for-the-thanksgiving-game#">change.org</a>, some Lions fans are trying to do exactly what each and every sports fan wants:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>This game is nationally televised, do we really want the rest of the US
to associate Detroit with Nickelback? Detroit is home to so many great
musicians and they chose Nickelback?!?!?! Does anyone even like
Nickelback? Is this some sort of ploy to get people to leave their seats
during halftime to spend money on alcoholic beverages and concessions?
This is completely unfair to those of us who purchased tickets to the
game. At least the people watching at home can mute their TVs. The Lions
ought to think about their fans before choosing such an awful band to
play at halftime.</i></blockquote>
So far, the petition has 3,046 signatures. C'mon, NFL fans. Do you want a crummy Vancouver band plugging their latest crummy CD in front of a fanbase that has finally dragged itself out of crumminess? Sign the petition, and let's make sure that the NFL finds non-douches for halftime shows.<br />
<br />
Heck, I'd pay Ndamukong Suh's fine if he were to accidentally mistake Chad Kroeger for <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Kuhn">John Kuhn</a>. <br />
<br />
The following ten things, however, were the most wank of the week. Continuing at #5:<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><b>5. Tebowing.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://img.ibtimes.com/www/data/images/full/2011/10/27/180840-tebowing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://img.ibtimes.com/www/data/images/full/2011/10/27/180840-tebowing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
This is just...stupid.<br />
<br />
"<a href="http://tebowing.com/">Tebowing</a>", for those who don't know, is the act of "get(ting) down on a knee and...praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different". This all comes from Tim Tebow's Week 7 come-back performance against Miami, when he fell to one knee after scoring a decisive TD. Apparently, either through mimicry or mockery, the action caught on like wildfire with fans and non-fans of the Christian QB.<br />
<br />
Considering I loves me some Internet memes, I should be all over the concept of Tebowing, but I never liked planking, owling, flash-mobbing or any other physical form of fads established over the Internet. I'm cool with LOLcats, troll-faces and mockery of the movie <i>Downfall</i>, but I can't get over photo-based memes. It gives me this sense that people are trying to be lemmings about the "fad", attempting to be the only person known for "Tebowing at the top of Mt. Everest" or "Tebowing before a wedding".<br />
<br />
It reminds me too much of that "Sightings" section in <i>The Improper Bostonian </i>magazine. People would pose before different landmarks with their copy of the free bimonthly publication and send their picture into the magazine, all in hopes they could orgasm over having their picture in <i>The Improper Bostonian</i>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB3cJhlP35W7MyekbzwEW7Eedd-SKELMHiRR46PaA3XgE53wTclnnltSdw5XnkOaoYwch7TscQV-40xrCCqQDDVWhQ4vwhrPHdvtyVScU1hSZAze9DnTvAX2jh1N99ULrBuIu1qfF9fGFn/s1600/Picture+34.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB3cJhlP35W7MyekbzwEW7Eedd-SKELMHiRR46PaA3XgE53wTclnnltSdw5XnkOaoYwch7TscQV-40xrCCqQDDVWhQ4vwhrPHdvtyVScU1hSZAze9DnTvAX2jh1N99ULrBuIu1qfF9fGFn/s320/Picture+34.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Considering some players on the Detroit Lions mocked Tebow with their own "Tebows" during their shellacking of the Broncos in Week 8, some articles have addressed the question of whether it's meant to be a mockery of Tebow's religion or not. Please. We've all seen players attempt to get in the heads of opponents by mocking their moves. This is just mockery of the move and, in all likelihood, the fact that Tebow just isn't ready as a starter.<br />
<br />
The move is getting too much attention, just like...<br />
<br />
<b>4. Tebow fans.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.al.com/chatter/photo/tim-tebow-fans-5d71aa34420b874f_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="http://media.al.com/chatter/photo/tim-tebow-fans-5d71aa34420b874f_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
...Tebow himself.<br />
<br />
Look, he's not ready for the big time, and we saw that in Week 8's 45-10 slaughter against Detroit. He got lucky in the last quarter of Week 7's win, but before that, he played more like Kyle Orton than Kyle Orton himself. There's just something wrong about his delivery when he's up against a defense-heavy team, and his form needs straightening out when it comes to passes.<br />
<br />
The stats verify that he's not replacing Orton with better numbers. Of <b><i>all</i></b> the quarterbacks going into Week 9 as the starter, only Blaine Gabbert (45.7) and Carson Palmer (38.1) have worst completion percentages than Tebow (46.1), and his passer rating is actually lower than Orton's by a few percentage points (75.1 to 75.7). While he can scramble for yards, Tebow has been sacked 13 times versus Orton's nine.<br />
<br />
So why use Tebow? Frankly, he's not much an improvement over Orton, and considering the outcry from fans in the preseason to start him, it would appear that head coach John Fox might have been correct to bench him. The only explanation that sounds right is that there was just so much pressure from fans to start Tebow that it couldn't be ignored. Apparently, his cleats were blessed by God himself, if you were to listen to some of his devout fans, but experts in both football and fantasy football are telling Denver to shelf him.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/917738-tim-tebows-fans-are-to-blame-if-broncos-qb-busts">Some columnists</a> are even pointing out that the fans got them into this mess, and I tend to agree. Coaches should have the say in whether to pull the plug on an experiment based on the most recent performances, not on what they've done during their collegiate career or off the professional field. Tebow may be a saint to some, but he's not ready for prime time. If Denver ends up last in their division, the fans who favored him for his beliefs instead of his raw talent will be to blame.<br />
<br />
Hey, at least he's not...<br />
<br />
<b>3. ...Raffi Torres.</b><br />
<br />
What were you thinking, Raffi?<br />
<br />
There
are easier ways, as an NHL player, to draw national attention. Cheat on
your wife with a supermodel. Demand a trade or a bigger contract. Go
all WWE and blindside Alexander Ovechkin with a stick to the head. The
last thing that you needed to do is agree to <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/sports/hockey/nhl/coyotes/story/2011-10-31/raffi-torres-costume-controversy/51017158/1">go blackface for a Lay-Z costume</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/e2/e2b6cb491fe6d02fa37d1ccc55fe6222/raffi_torres_as_jayz_isnt_racist_its_still_racially_insensitive.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/e2/e2b6cb491fe6d02fa37d1ccc55fe6222/raffi_torres_as_jayz_isnt_racist_its_still_racially_insensitive.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
<br />
I'll agree with Harrison Mooney in saying that <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Raffi-Torres-as-Jay-Z-isn-8217-t-racist-it-82?urn=nhl-wp16333">this costume isn't racist</a>,
but is more of the "racially-insensitive" sort. In fact, I'll go a step
further by saying that Torres could have nixed the idea by suggesting
that he and his pregnant wife (who I am guessing by the picture also
isn't African-American) go as something else. Mark Sanchez and Rex Ryan.
A cook and his "<a href="http://www.thingamababy.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/08/cos1.jpg">bun in the oven</a>". <a href="http://www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com/womens-costume.html">Plenty of good ideas out there</a>.<br />
<br />
Whatever you do, don't go as...<br />
<br />
<b>2. ...a lazy Red Sox costumer.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTjSW3Nsy2pCKBind-OjHO2HLLHo_LI9W-c4Iz7xDx1ZAq6KP3jdcfuUo_MLp6tX_-KINISVhIYe-NAHSwOw7T4w5PsIOPlbunu1WrXQYVEGddsztlnFmJieDyFYkJCtAtFrnnSdzVJBYy/s1600/Picture+31.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="107" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTjSW3Nsy2pCKBind-OjHO2HLLHo_LI9W-c4Iz7xDx1ZAq6KP3jdcfuUo_MLp6tX_-KINISVhIYe-NAHSwOw7T4w5PsIOPlbunu1WrXQYVEGddsztlnFmJieDyFYkJCtAtFrnnSdzVJBYy/s400/Picture+31.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_cHtXQafl6pwJ2WEuHW1d_2VkwBdt6RLCWeGBfAEm7H5hdDlnyxph8V5e-A-48Ja6fToR_Ksgla1znmTg-gnzjUg79lL6ujU0MRIszPWPLfFU86i49RbSOWL8PF9plCUq85_ryaVG_IEM/s1600/Picture+33.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="45" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_cHtXQafl6pwJ2WEuHW1d_2VkwBdt6RLCWeGBfAEm7H5hdDlnyxph8V5e-A-48Ja6fToR_Ksgla1znmTg-gnzjUg79lL6ujU0MRIszPWPLfFU86i49RbSOWL8PF9plCUq85_ryaVG_IEM/s400/Picture+33.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I've
seen costumes for people who basically rummaged through their bureau
and tossed on a Red Sox T-shirt and a ball cap. They probably weren't
looking to go to any Halloween costume balls in the near future, so that
I can live with. However, if you toss on a Red Sox T-shirt and a ball
cap, stuff a pillow under the shirt, and go out with a bucket of KFC,
you're THE LAZIEST HALLOWEENER EVER.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ_Mv7paWWOL35VnZqiERltfy9Y1XG_m4Ot41Vt_WA80eqIIn7GZnC0gWWD1tT2xcnwRjenJZ5CDty9fkfy6ly1pbtQLB9mYwjhVzd1Pg6ciuW9mj_xJ2XBAcxWudnI-oQD2eEUS0sqRsW/s1600/Picture+30.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ_Mv7paWWOL35VnZqiERltfy9Y1XG_m4Ot41Vt_WA80eqIIn7GZnC0gWWD1tT2xcnwRjenJZ5CDty9fkfy6ly1pbtQLB9mYwjhVzd1Pg6ciuW9mj_xJ2XBAcxWudnI-oQD2eEUS0sqRsW/s320/Picture+30.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
The
same goes for Woody Paige from <i>Around The Horn</i>. I admit I'm guilty for
beating the dead horse with one of my posts, but the Sox jersey, the
hat, the sleeves from a sumo wrestler costume, the props...this is a
last-second costume devoid of any thought or interest in the holiday.
I'm pretty damned sure that Woody himself didn't come up with the
idea—he looks like he'd rather go as a loud-mouthed "expert" from
Denver.<br />
<br />
Well, he can certainly save money on that costume. <br />
<br />
<b>1. Team Humpdashian.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://netsarescorching.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/kim-kardashian-kris-humphries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://netsarescorching.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/kim-kardashian-kris-humphries.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Or should we refer to them as "Team Hump-and-Dash-ian"?<br />
<br />
The complete definition of wankery goes to the fragile love-bridge formed by reality "show-cialite" Kim Kardashian and NBA free-agent Kris Humphries. The marriage was hard to explain, but the quick divorce after 72 days was easy to predict. I haven't been following the marriage, personally, but judging by the length of time between wedding and divorce, I don't think you needed to follow it for long to become an expert.<br />
<br />
There was no doubt this would end in a divorce, but the sheer quickness of it all have some sources wondering if it was a "<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2056105/Kim-Kardashian-divorce-Kris-Humphries-marriage-labelled-hoax.html">hoax</a>" and a "<a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-500185_162-20128322/kardashian-humphries-marriage-take-$250k-a-day/">sham to make money</a>". Well, that's awfully astute of all you journalists. We all saw this coming without even looking at the details, but you were too busy treating the wedding as a big deal.<br />
<br />
The amazing part of this entire scam-wow is that it has fueled the fire for <a href="http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/politics/Gay-Marriage-Advocates-Slam-Kardashian-Sanctity-Of-Marriage-133114028.html">advocates of gay marriage</a>. If a heterosexual agreement like this ends in such a messy manner, where's the "sanctity" that gay-marriage prohibitionists speak of? It may be one messy divorce amongst many successful ones, but the ammo is still there.<br />
<br />
Okay, so this didn't turn out to be as sports-related as it seemed, but Lamar Odom better watch out. Just saying.Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8569958824508450086.post-78073580927424223282011-11-03T09:57:00.000-07:002011-11-03T10:31:27.027-07:00Power Wankings: Week 1 (#10 - 6)There are plenty of things in professional sports that are seriously childish, stupid and dumb (and we're not even going to touch on Kobe, A-Rod, and Jamarcus Russell—way too easy). Since they tend to vary from week to week, we'll count down those wankers in our very own Power Wankings.<br />
<br />
An example of what you won't find in the Wankings? The guy who made <a href="http://topcultured.com/today-i-learned-as-did-potentially-millions-of-others-that-espn-is-one-letter-short-of-a-jumbled-spelling-of-penis/espn-penis-cropped/">THIS</a> sign. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://topcultured.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ESPN-Penis-Cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="278" src="http://topcultured.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/ESPN-Penis-Cropped.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
While I would have given this spot to the USC fan that managed to blitzkrieg the College Gameday show with a frat-boy "<a href="http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2011-October-29-11-49-5.jpg">Suck It, Luck</a>" sign (complete with cartoonish genitalia that resembles the <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/ed/G-Force_-_GoS_logo.jpg">Gatchaman/G-Force</a> logo), the spot has to go to the guy who made ESPN a four-letter word.<br />
<br />
Of course, sports and penises go hand-in-hand (not literally). People have spotted it in sports discussions, and John Madden famously <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1z03b1wveM&feature=related">drew them on the Telestrater</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7MbpYVepVk&feature=related">more than once</a>. However, you have to like the seriously creative chops on this guy—who knew you could spell ESPN with "penis"? We just don't understand his fixation with Lou Holtz.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgynIo0BjIeaOuFEpB_cI1pEnu5KqE1j8DDHrdJrEozU0M9f79fd4i7_JOK6LBk_rlw6QgW7rjWlVP1-s263EeaC4_RmQvtTS0QqEaaDFnkq68_1dwr5G9YbN0HQnYFUuf-YpQI8jwAL4Ou/s1600/DrLou.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgynIo0BjIeaOuFEpB_cI1pEnu5KqE1j8DDHrdJrEozU0M9f79fd4i7_JOK6LBk_rlw6QgW7rjWlVP1-s263EeaC4_RmQvtTS0QqEaaDFnkq68_1dwr5G9YbN0HQnYFUuf-YpQI8jwAL4Ou/s1600/DrLou.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Maybe he's not a University of Southern California fan, but indeed a University of South Carolina fan. Dr. Lou did coach for the USC of the East Coast for his last gig.<br />
<br />
GO COCKS!<br />
<br />
The following ten things, however, were the most wank of the week. Starting at the least:<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><b>10. The NBA lockout.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/k1c_It0ekC0/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/k1c_It0ekC0&fs=1&source=uds" />
<param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" />
<embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/k1c_It0ekC0&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>
<br />
Recently, Nike hit us with a new advertisement for their sneakers and a stop-gap for the recent labor dispute between owners and players. In the commercial, spotlights randomly illuminate the current masters of the game (LeBron, Durant, Coach K), the optimistic high-schoolers, and even the recreational users. At the end, they flash a "Basketball Never Stops" slogan and hashtag the hell out of that bitch so hard that Twitter had an <a href="http://officialmancard.com/omc/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Erection-2.jpg">erection</a>.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, Nike doesn't understand that basketball itself isn't on "stop"; the business aspect of the game is. High-school and collegiate athletes aren't going to stop playing the sport, but if they look at the business model and see that the end result is this mish-mash of rich athletes jetsetting to foreign locales to play "benefit games" and bench players unsure about their future in the sport, you might start to see morale drop.<br />
<br />
In fact, the disappointing thing is that some players are paid so much already that they're not showing the concern that NFL players had this year during their lockout. Instead of going to the fans and encouraging them to voice their opinion, they'd rather lift anchor and play with whatever team wants to pay the most. Granted, there wasn't that option with the NFL, but it's showing the true colors of NBA players—it's not about the honor of the sport or the support of the fans, it's about greed.<br />
<br />
If you want to use the "stop" reference, the NBA hasn't "stopped", but they're certainly not on "play". It's like the needle is stuck in a scratched groove; it's going to need to be picked up and placed down to restart it, or else you're going to do permanent damage to the product. (Okay, I just aged myself with a vinyl record reference.)<br />
<br />
<b>9. Disillusioned Andrew Luck fans.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://blacksportsonline.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Luck11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://blacksportsonline.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Luck11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Indianapolis Colts fans, you're not guaranteed to get the next Peyton Manning, so let's try not to jump the gun by putting your eggs in the Andrew Luck basket.<br />
<br />
Seeing pictures of optimistic fans like these should be heartwarming to the franchise, but a ton of dominoes need to fall before Andrew Luck magically falls into their laps. I still see Indy winning games against Jacksonville, and they still have five games left at home. Let's also not forget that Miami and Arizona are also in the hunt and could use a prized quarterback more than Indy could.<br />
<br />
Even if Indy was to get the top pick, there's no guarantee that Andrew Luck will become an Aaron Rodgers. Before there was Peyton Manning, there was Jeff George, who was shipped out of the Hoosier State after four tumultuous years. Before George there was another George (Shaw), who broke his leg a year after being drafted at the #1 spot by the Baltimore Colts in 1955. Both were replaced by quarterbacks who led the Colts to playoff success (Jim Harbaugh and Johnny Unitas, respectively).<br />
<br />
Now we may be overlooking that other good Stanford QB that the Baltimore Colts drafted at #1 in 1983 (John Elway), but he was carted off to Denver when he threatened to leave football to play baseball. I'm just saying that Indy fans shouldn't jump the gun—who is to say Luck won't demand the same if Manning's injury isn't career-threatening?<br />
<br />
<b>8. That "incredible" PK Subban / Brad Marchand fight.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/TALbmMSKjO4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
P.K. Subban can't fight, let alone fight someone two hands shorter than him. He can flop and hide like the best of 'em, but there's a reason he "lost" three of the four fights he was in last year, <a href="http://www.hockeyfights.com/players/5349/fightcard/reg2011">according to hockeyfights.com</a>. If we were to analyze the fight between him and Marchand on October 27th, you'd get the following reasons why this fight was LAME:<br />
<ul>
<li> The preparation: guys, you were in the penalty box twice for trying to fight with each other previously. How were you not ready to drop gloves right away? Maybe it's for dramatics, but while Marchand's gloves were off pretty easily, Subban was flopping around in his sleeves as if he was Houdini struggling to get out of a straitjacket. Gotta be ready at the drop of a hat, boys.</li>
<li>The dipping and diving: Subban jukes and jives like a prize fighter, but there's a reason boxing isn't done on skates. Wild haymaker results in nothing but air TWICE, once with the Hab kissing ice. Yeah, probably because Honey Badger is shorter than your mother, but obviously the fighting styles don't match up enough for these guys to get into a proper fight.</li>
<li>The surrender: after a bunch of jersey-pulling, Subban rolls his eyes and gives up. So much for the sizzle, but the steak in this fight was damned raw.</li>
</ul>
<br />
In short, long fights are nice, but P.K. Subban fights like <a href="http://www.onlineworldofwrestling.com/pictures/k/karlmalone/03.jpg">Karl Malone wrestles</a>.<b> </b><br />
<br />
<b>7. The "Discount Double Check" State Farm couple.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/j9Rv7czl9cU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
Nice to see Aaron Rodgers get a personality on TV, especially with all the Favre comparisons, but has there ever been a TV couple you've wanted to get a roughing-the-passer 15-yard penalty against such as the one on the "Discount Double Check" State Farm commercial?<br />
<br />
It's funny on paper, but seriously, if I was the MVP of the last Super Bowl, whether it be at an insurance office, a restaurant, or a church, I would be known by EVERYONE in Green Bay. To have these two mock Rodgers for being a "dancer" is a serious crime against the sport. I suppose I'd be able to handle the commercial better if it didn't have the guy make such a pussy-face doing so.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh63bONbadEmFBT7GVaRRaadY2smsLnX3x3WONhKUMbzfzLH4ceJP1cWquY7zbSeHrjkdsAutDvtW0iC1el1E1uqRLpsMg06EJKoNNcPJL0lUc6iEJWW6fAOTRVS8dKPH53vGtD6SgV50AX/s1600/Picture+26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh63bONbadEmFBT7GVaRRaadY2smsLnX3x3WONhKUMbzfzLH4ceJP1cWquY7zbSeHrjkdsAutDvtW0iC1el1E1uqRLpsMg06EJKoNNcPJL0lUc6iEJWW6fAOTRVS8dKPH53vGtD6SgV50AX/s320/Picture+26.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Can we call in Clay Matthews to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTIl3te91SI&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL7516DD9F77AD34F4">blow this play up</a>?<br />
<br />
<b>6. Kris Jenkins, The Unfunny Comic. </b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/LTo6kQLs-z0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
A little advice to #77 and other ex-footballer talking heads: leave the comedy to the comedians. (Yes, Frank Caliendo still counts as a comedian.) Didn't you learn anything from Michael Strahan's horrible sitcom <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brothers_%282009_TV_series%29"><i>Brothers</i></a>?<br />
<br />
It was rather cute to parade kids in costume into the studio (don't you non-pedophiles just wanna take <a href="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/5a/5a9a81a1b77679aa80f05386be6ddd94/video_kris_jenkins_stars_in_absymal_nfl_today_halloween_sketch.jpg">mini-Dan-Marino</a> home with you?), but it wasn't cute to hear Jenkins crack candy-corny jokes about the NFL. Two Super Bowl ring jokes involving the Patriots in the span of thirty seconds. A fat joke involving Andy Reid while Rex Ryan is decidedly small. Tim Tebow and Tony Romo "4th Quarter" jokes that really don't fit after the throttling both got. The obligatory swipe at Lebron James and the NBA lockout (that's my schtick!)<br />
<br />
Jenkins even complains about being called fat, but says the word "candy" eight times during the skit. Did I stumble upon <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKi_BKtPCjE"><i>Garfield's Halloween Adventure</i></a>?<br />
<br />
Ah, the skit. Let's harp on that car-crash-in-slow-motion. Most importantly, let's cover the fact that the skit was two minutes longer than the Frank Caliendo comedy bit for the NFL on FOX (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa-iKQXvkwM&feature=related">which was also immensely painful to watch</a>). Instead of letting the editing team smooth out the wrinkles and trim the fat, they let it run like a live show. A little more film on the editing floor and a few unnecessary jokes left out, and this could have been a good skit.<br />
<br />
What am I saying?! This was a hammy attempt to copy everything David Letterman has done for the past dozen Halloweens! (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzdkWB6iBJw">As if Dave's stuff wasn't hammy enough.</a>) I hope this bomb makes CBS realize that their stuff is a thousand times better than FOX in the first place without needing to pull for lame comedy. At least NBC wouldn't do this sort of...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoikEcRV2UDcdt3HVaO5Av0B7xJQ37YwnoaeAIRCZErjCLx8eJHe5yFmSpZwKNXpxH_F9j5XoDNw_y0WZWEuJS2ME9uEICntenzDbVTDy_mJ9ILslbJANdk4ISQzGEwhF4_70JosQmgDL/s1600/Picture+29.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoikEcRV2UDcdt3HVaO5Av0B7xJQ37YwnoaeAIRCZErjCLx8eJHe5yFmSpZwKNXpxH_F9j5XoDNw_y0WZWEuJS2ME9uEICntenzDbVTDy_mJ9ILslbJANdk4ISQzGEwhF4_70JosQmgDL/s400/Picture+29.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Oh, FUCK it. Let's just cancel Halloween next year.<br />
<br />
<b>Next time: Power Wankings #5 - 1!</b>Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8569958824508450086.post-20545501564158778832011-10-26T20:47:00.000-07:002011-10-26T20:47:36.553-07:00Mike Motley, Baseball Genius<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cache.boston.com/images/bostondirtdogs//Headline_Archives/McManny2_web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="304" src="http://cache.boston.com/images/bostondirtdogs//Headline_Archives/McManny2_web.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shoulda gone with Mickey-D's, bro.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For the past two months or so, the Boston Red Sox have been the biggest joke in Major League Baseball. Bigger than the collapse by the Atlanta Braves. Bigger than C.C. Sabbathia's gut. Bigger than Tony La Russa's <a href="http://www.ky3.com/news/ktvi-la-russa-tries-to-explain-mix-ups-in-game-5-20111025,0,7301960.story">Game 5 brain fart</a>. Bigger than <a href="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2011/03/medium_ept_sports_mlb_experts-312085817-1288274582.jpg">Ken Rosenthal's "Pee-Wee-Herman" bow ties</a>.<br />
<br />
However, the humor went from a stand-up act and escalated into an all out Jeffrey-Ross-endorsed comedy roast when the rumors of the starting pitchers lounging around with beer, fried chicken and video games in the dugouts during off-days started to fly. Yeah, thanks to BeerChickenXBoxGate, we've been able to have a physical target of all of our venom towards the team, a hatred that had been incubating under Boston for the past eight years.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt9i7uEYUj1qhcm62o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="249" src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt9i7uEYUj1qhcm62o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thanks, <a href="http://lolsox.tumblr.com/">LOLSOX</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now, John Lackey's ERA did resemble a quarterback's fantasy football score. Tim Wakefield did take forever to get to a statistic that won't mean much to the Hall of Fame, and "Sweet Caroline" did become the anthem for everything wrong about the Fenway experience. However, I'm not about to pin all this on Popeye's and BL Limes. Josh Beckett didn't have career lows in batting average, runs and stolen bases (<a href="http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/stats/_/id/5035/carl-crawford">Carl Crawford</a>), and Lackey didn't strand an AL-leading 7.35 runners per game.<br />
<br />
In fact, I'm going to suggest that beer isn't the problem; it could easily be part of the solution. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e1/MrDrudgevsMike.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e1/MrDrudgevsMike.PNG" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mike Motley and his boss, Mr. Drudge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in the 80s, my favorite things to do on Sunday were watch sports on TV and pop out the "funnies". While my upbringing presented the blue-collar lifestyle to me, I got a lot of its humor by reading "Motley's Crew", a comic by Ben Templeton and Tom Forman. It was all about Mike Motley, a middle-America factory worker who slaved away during the week for a thankless boss, but once the weekend was here, Mike showed his love for <a href="http://www.comicstripfan.com/newspaper/m/motleyscrew.htm">Blotto Beer</a> and his conversation with his bar buddies.<br />
<br />
In May 1984, Mike Motley came up with a solution that could solve the Sox's woes instantly. In fact, it would likely get the starting pitchers to enjoy trips to National League parks and get them running the base paths. (Pardon the quality; Dad's used it for a bulletin board for years.)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjinPk8a9wJ-fgi7wea60nKKqLpJ7-6iCPIMRSTZrEFAaCMAfjiACTTleZAoYZ-uGMpxnouwReXoJeIVfsfL1Fp1HPIWwBp4CeitQT-pnj8UBoP_LPqCibfYsdFVrQ_a0WsFGeHPLXbLTBt/s1600/Picture+22.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjinPk8a9wJ-fgi7wea60nKKqLpJ7-6iCPIMRSTZrEFAaCMAfjiACTTleZAoYZ-uGMpxnouwReXoJeIVfsfL1Fp1HPIWwBp4CeitQT-pnj8UBoP_LPqCibfYsdFVrQ_a0WsFGeHPLXbLTBt/s400/Picture+22.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TxE_fiYhL_4x0NJCQ4AKiR5v7H8QR2kTyqbj7OS9ADNFtFHDfCEG9S-kujxFWk6gOwUd7d5wljWE7fc-XNszjn7wMB4ov4wFC-JOXJcQ7jwIBlApiM1QJAC_E6ul034SbI0ncCwPZmHm/s1600/Picture+23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2TxE_fiYhL_4x0NJCQ4AKiR5v7H8QR2kTyqbj7OS9ADNFtFHDfCEG9S-kujxFWk6gOwUd7d5wljWE7fc-XNszjn7wMB4ov4wFC-JOXJcQ7jwIBlApiM1QJAC_E6ul034SbI0ncCwPZmHm/s400/Picture+23.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNt0Ydn7ZPyNBrSn3EknrmK2uiEbtVc3LyGgLvalL1qEnFm1foghn0p2oz5yo82LJtttrnJDt9i5aPnbZeTJY7qgnagTiXGJFA1HooTZq78Heg6oUXADNBmpnvBphqsyB5tN6fB-67qFPf/s1600/Picture+24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNt0Ydn7ZPyNBrSn3EknrmK2uiEbtVc3LyGgLvalL1qEnFm1foghn0p2oz5yo82LJtttrnJDt9i5aPnbZeTJY7qgnagTiXGJFA1HooTZq78Heg6oUXADNBmpnvBphqsyB5tN6fB-67qFPf/s400/Picture+24.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHH9Ipgp_gHNjAZokj4pjJVQBQVJwyPxu_pC-YahGvxX1E7mlsPCUokApeK9l7_IKulKb_T3ouX7srYeixCCViNKzaWQLsp7EbPV8MGSQr4kcAYsx9to8Yd8FFkk9_K34TM_sTpm-DNTH/s1600/Picture+25.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHH9Ipgp_gHNjAZokj4pjJVQBQVJwyPxu_pC-YahGvxX1E7mlsPCUokApeK9l7_IKulKb_T3ouX7srYeixCCViNKzaWQLsp7EbPV8MGSQr4kcAYsx9to8Yd8FFkk9_K34TM_sTpm-DNTH/s400/Picture+25.png" width="400" /></a></div>
Guarantee you Lackey's elbow would miraculously heal itself overnight.Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8569958824508450086.post-49819025282797733952011-10-25T18:33:00.000-07:002011-10-25T18:34:41.912-07:00"Candy and costumes...how can you beat that?"Well said. I mean, beer and chicken in the dugout is one thing, but cider, costumes, and candy corn? PARTY TIME EXCELLENT.<br />
<br />
That's what brings out the best in sports. Athletes? Having fun in COSTUME? That's the total opposite of having your lazy friend show up as Curt Schilling at a Halloween kegger with a Red Sox jersey and a pillow around his stomach.<br />
<br />
Some athletes get the point and totally love showing up in costume, while a token few just sleepwalk through the "fun". Take, for example, the latest Halloween mirth by the Boston Bruins as they spread some Halloween cheer at the Children's Hospital on Tuesday. Tell me that you weren't hoping for Tyler "Hail" Seguin in a devil's outfit, Shawn Thornton as a surgeon, or <a href="http://www.daysofyorr.com/2011-articles/may/eastern-conference-finals-game-4-bruins-lightning.html">Tim Thomas as GOD</a>.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWqrM39t7647bWyTubIVYHFZOyTPE8qQDVO6pVzzdLSz0BherBrLyjqhB9AcT9Y9WGl40OGJDWrLfULy8hhGaEdGUc0mLhdn_36F8EjQLWFDPihvCvHW-Hm0EFvvszJboJxmzRkkzd5aHr/s1600/Picture+16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWqrM39t7647bWyTubIVYHFZOyTPE8qQDVO6pVzzdLSz0BherBrLyjqhB9AcT9Y9WGl40OGJDWrLfULy8hhGaEdGUc0mLhdn_36F8EjQLWFDPihvCvHW-Hm0EFvvszJboJxmzRkkzd5aHr/s400/Picture+16.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture courtesy of NESN's <a href="http://www.nesn.com/2011/10/zdeno-chara-dresses-as-pink-bunny-as-bruins-celebrate-halloween-at-childrens-hospital-photo.html">Naoko Funayama</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yes, that is, from right to left, Adam McQuaid as Fonzie Flintstone, Jordan Caron as the iParty Purchase, and Zdeno Chara as OH GOD THE ENERGIZER BUNNY'S HERE TO KILL US ALL. I'm totally sorry for using Duracell all these years! <br />
<br />
And way on the left, it's Fratboy Charming himself, Brad Marchingband!<br />
<br />
Looking at the still-frame jocularity coming from the Bruins made me recall just how much fun Boston sports has with their costumes. While the Green Men in Vancouver pooled $100 together and squeezed into Spandex, at least our players get creative with their Halloween gigs! You must remember all the costumes that New England athletes have sported over the years, right?<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="297" src="http://images.quickblogcast.com/116813-109063/w4ay_480x358.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another reason why Rajon Rondo's better than your point guard.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
You just have to go back a year ago to see some of the <a href="http://bostonsportsbuzz.com/2010/11/01/celtics-halloween-costumes.aspx">quality submissions from the Boston Celtics</a>. Kevin Garnett threw a party, complete with all his teammates and a cameo from David Ortiz, but you gotta wonder about the selection, KG. All orange? Dressing as an Oompa-Loompa or a Syracuse alumnus doesn't count.<br />
<br />
Still, some pretty good ideas coming from perhaps the loosest bunch of Celtics in recent memory (until they ate the Cupcake Pebbles and started to remember that it takes talent on the parquet, too). Big Baby dresses at himself, Delonte West dons an Anonymous mask, Jermaine O'Neil's totally not fooling anyone with the "Mr. T" costume, and Rajon Rondo absolutely gets it, even going as far as sporting <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1MYewXbpCzvX6v0XwwurJFrCF0Uff0kG1pX7dw_Be2U9Ni5WStw32-E-DJfjTjkyRW_g2ZqRwAppfn0U4N0UWt9UPE0tzPduJ6leXaCzPjMLRw9EAqgQUWwmx6R8KDaiPlbHMelpbM5U/s400/SNL-Tiger-Woods-Skit.jpg">Tiger Woods' sling</a>.<br />
<br />
We know that Paul Pierce is supposed to be some sort of frog, but what sort? Too blinged up for Kermit, too nerdy to be considered Michigan J. He says he's from "The Princess and the Frog", but he's gotta be dressed as LeBron—all hops, no royalty. <br />
<br />
We won't even cover "Shaquita". Go to <a href="http://www.terezowens.com/shaquita-and-the-boston-celtics-halloween-costumes/">TerezOwens</a> for that "Crying Game" moment.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i34.tinypic.com/dg79.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://i34.tinypic.com/dg79.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tito, I don't think we're in Kansas City anymore.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Not all costumes are all that fitting. The Red Sox really aren't around here late October (this year included), so costuming isn't exactly their schtick, unless it involves a certain ex-GM's <a href="http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=51027">use of a gorilla suit</a> to get him out of Fenway in 2005.<br />
<br />
No, we normally see the Sox (and any other MLB team) in costume when they're forcing their rookies to be in costume. Take this picture of Junichi Tazawa back in September 2009 when <a href="http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/extras/extra_bases/2009/09/red_sox_rookies.html">the newbies had to dress up as characters from "The Wizard of Oz"</a>. The team had Josh Reddick as Glinda the Good Witch, while Daniel Bard was the Cowardly Lion. No truth to the rumor that Brad Penny was forced to dress up as the witch that had the house land on her.<br />
<br />
Ironically enough, what did the team need <i>this</i> year? Courage.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/New+England+Revolution+v+New+York+Red+Bulls+rrix1h0xDSLl.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/New+England+Revolution+v+New+York+Red+Bulls+rrix1h0xDSLl.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Not many pictures of the Revolution players in costume, but how can you top the time when Kevin Alston dressed as <a href="http://www.blog-city.info/en/img4/4714_chad-danfort-250.jpg">Chad Danforth</a> from <i>High School Musical</i>?<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://instntrply.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/vlcsnap-2011-09-23-01h43m19-940x528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://instntrply.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/vlcsnap-2011-09-23-01h43m19-940x528.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who is Belichick's favorite QB? Bart StARRRRRRRRRR!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Of course, there's good costuming, there's bad costuming, and then there's "<a href="http://instntrply.com/2011/09/23/bill-belichick-the-roller-skating-pirate-and-randy-moss-as-spongebob-squarepants/">Wait-is-that-who-I-think-it-is?!</a>" costuming. The prize goes to Bill Belichick and his New England Patriots team in 2009 for renting out a skating rink during the bye week and "get(ting) the Halloween decorations up". Considering Bill's <a href="http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/writers/don_banks/12/18/belichick/p1_bill3.jpg">fashion</a> <a href="http://cache.heraldinteractive.com/blogs/sports/rap_sheet/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/p2_belichick.jpg">sense</a> is about as good as <a href="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/1/16/17a39e41-2df8-4056-bfd3-dd789409f2c3.jpg">Emperor Palpatine</a>'s on "Business Casual Fridays", having him show up as Coach Jack Sparrow is certainly something no fan could have envisioned.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Even better, this didn't come out into the open until <i>two years after the fact</i>! Loose lips don't sink these pirate ships!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Granted, this was all hatched by <a href="http://www.nfl.com/videos/auto/09000d5d8227c0f6/A-Football-Life-Belichick-s-costume">the devious mind of Randy Moss</a> himself, but couldn't the branch manager of the <a href="http://www.break.com/capital-one-bank/randy-moss-opens-the-invisible-bank.html">First Invisible Bank of New England</a> afford something a little more extravagant than a <i>Spongebob Squarepants</i> costume? I mean, this isn't what I had in mind when I envisioned a football player getting into "Bikini Bottoms". </div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://instntrply.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/vlcsnap-2011-09-23-01h42m42-940x528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://instntrply.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/vlcsnap-2011-09-23-01h42m42-940x528.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Straight cash, Squidward.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Other than these examples, I can't recall a Boston athlete living the Halloween spirit in costumes so spooktacular. Any ideas what the athletes of 2011 ought to go as this year? My guess is this year's Red Sox are already in their ghost costumes.Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8569958824508450086.post-54001835263001191402011-10-24T19:37:00.000-07:002011-10-24T20:07:48.699-07:00"Welcome to Woostah! Dollah Twenty-Five!"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgekcm9d0RuK2OP-mhovEStFV9jSHTUj9rUD_qNbZdsFdZMLVu40Giaw5PPjaSFHUjqkcV2_oBNgvpb9JVUTV11keGF7_wogK5ux9v-m8rlugPFr8eI95o3hg2TLua-0O3t7gS5ot1DJJZW/s1600/Logos" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgekcm9d0RuK2OP-mhovEStFV9jSHTUj9rUD_qNbZdsFdZMLVu40Giaw5PPjaSFHUjqkcV2_oBNgvpb9JVUTV11keGF7_wogK5ux9v-m8rlugPFr8eI95o3hg2TLua-0O3t7gS5ot1DJJZW/s400/Logos" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
It's not something I've been proud of, but I'm a self-admitted "Masshole". <br />
<ul>
<li>I pronounce the word "bar" as if the "R" key on my computer was broken.</li>
<li>Dukakis, Kerry, and Romney were the punchline to local political jokes before they became the punchline to national political jokes.</li>
<li>Beans are meant to be baked with cinnamon and molasses and served with hot dogs and brown bread.</li>
<li>Manhattan Clam Chowder is an inferior product. In fact, if you even put a tomato <i>close</i> to my clam chowder, I'll disown you faster than Boston disowned Bill Simmons.</li>
<li>Denis Leary, Lenny Clarke, and Steve Sweeney will make me laugh every time. Dane Cook is just a fabricated figment of your imagination.</li>
<li>Sam Adams is both a Founding Father and a namesake to a wicked good "bee-yah". (Yes, that's two syllables.) </li>
<li>Aerosmith and J. Geils may get the national recognition, but Mission of Burma, the Pixies and Morphine form the rock bedrock.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="http://www.bostonsportshub.com/images/arod_purse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.bostonsportshub.com/images/arod_purse.jpg" /></a></div>
Most importantly, I'm a Masshole who's not afraid to stand with his sports franchises, even if doing so associates me with histories of being a pathetic loser or a loud-mouthed sore winner. Depending on the time of the year, I'll bleed Black and Gold, Kelly Green, 1986 Grey, or Pat-the-Patriot Red.<br />
<br />
To me, the most important feet in sports were kicking field goals in the Louisiana Superdome in 2002, leaking blood from a sutured ankle in 2004, and flying four feet over the ice in 1970.<br />
<br />
To me, the Big Three were the first Big Three.<br />
<br />
To me, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNnqbf2Vpv0">Dave Roberts</a> will never have to buy another beer for himself in a Boston drinking hole ever again, but Alex Rodriguez will have to show a picture I.D. just to cross the border into Berkshire County.<br />
<br />
To me, Bill Laimbeer, Roberto Luongo and LeBron James are all cut from the same tear-soaked cloth, yet I'll defend Homers such as Johnny Most, Jack Edwards and Scott Zolak to the bitter end.<br />
<br />
To me, sports media has the power to drive my Compete Level to 10 and my frustration level to suicide lines at the Tobin Bridge.<br />
<br />
To me, Carl Everett was both a lousy ball-player and a lyrical genius (re: <a href="http://digamma.net/btfwiki/CHB">Curly-Haired Boyfriend</a>.)<br />
<br />
I may not like the stereotype, but practically everything that embodies the elitism of the "Masshole", from "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onj3CiDvwBs&feature=related">The Rick</a>" to the "Boston Teens" sketch on Saturday Night Live (<span id="goog_1912284834"></span>"<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boston_Teens">You're retahded!</a>" "<a href="http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/sully-and-denise-nomar/1207977/">You are!</a>"<span id="goog_1912284835"></span>), applies to me and my acquaintances. I've known a Kennedy, a Sully and a Murph—three of them, in fact. I've bathed in victory beers and wallowed in bitter apathy, and I wouldn't trade any of those tastes for the finest wines in the world.<br />
<br />
And right now, I'm a thousand miles away from a Mass Pike tollbooth.Geoff from the 'Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10881653530133765163noreply@blogger.com1